Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize
