he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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