I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
