Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
