Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
