i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
