Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
