yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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