my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
