we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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