He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
