God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
