I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
