Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
