i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
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Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
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She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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