I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
