A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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