she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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