We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
