Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
