I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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