If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
