I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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