You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
