allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
