i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
