It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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