omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
