i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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