well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
