No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
