kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were trust falling into bushes
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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