in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
