just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
