They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
