If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
