you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
