Your face is a jimmy john
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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