Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
