Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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