she woke up with a sticky ear
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
