I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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