Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
