How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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