Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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