Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
