Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
