I hope mine doesn't look like that
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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