I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
