put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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