Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
