Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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