I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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