i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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