____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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