UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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