just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
