quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
