Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
