Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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