Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
