ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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