Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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