Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize