I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
